Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Week 1 Day 2

*Growl* That's the sound of my stomach trying to jump out of my body in search of nourishment.  Despite this, day 2 is progressing on target and I'm starting to feel the positive effects of this food detox.  Okay, well, I'll admit there was a moment this afternoon when I thought, "Woo, it's almost dinner time--thank goodness!" only to realize that it was 1:43 and we'd had lunch only an hour before.  Ah well.

But otherwise, as I wear the one pair of jeans that still fits me, I'm feeling positive about the day and the 'd' word (that's 'diet,' not 'damn') and I was able to eat dinner like a normal person in front of my family rather than scarf it in a hungry furor like yesterday evening.  It strikes me that it's always like this in the beginning--easy to withstand the emptiness, deny the temptations, stay on the plan--because I'm brimming over with fortitude.  It's later on that the real struggles begin.

In the back of my mind, that's what really scares me.  Sure I can drop 20 or 30 pounds...I've done it several times, but it doesn't really change what is going on in my mind.  The mind is the key.  And it's about addiction.  Addiction to food.  I am addicted to food, truly and completely.  Yes, I can follow the plans and nutritional guidelines and do all that I am supposed to do, but like a dark shadow in my brain, I am constantly thinking and obsessing about food all day long.  I am thinking about what I just ate;  what I'm going to eat later on;  what I want to eat, but can't---food, food, food! I become so frustrated at times because my mind is fighting a compulsion all day long.  Sometimes I think that folks who are healthy really just don't understand.  I've heard people say, "Well, if you want to change, just do it," and I WANT to do it beyond measure, so why is it so difficult?  I've even had dreams of looking at food and telling myself, "No, no, no, you can't do that."  I am at war with myself and I'm thinking that the only way I can solve this struggle is to heal the mind. That's part of the purpose of this blog.  I'm brimming over with it all and my brain is full to bursting (though not my tummy this evening).  I guess I also hope to know that I am not alone in feeling this way.  So with that, I'm going to go record my foods for today.

1 comment:

  1. Well, I happen to think you're gorgeous.

    But I completely understand what you mean about being frustrated.