W43, Day 5: Oh those holidays...

Halloween is just around the corner and you know what that means:  kids in costumes, cute ghosts and goblins, and yes, that dang candy.  I'll admit to you that after I bought our Halloween candy for the big day tomorrow, I had my husband hide it from me.  I do not want to be tempted by that bag of candy.  It'd be fine if I could control myself to just take one small piece of candy and leave the rest alone...but let's just be honest, that's not going to happen.  The holidays are always difficult on a food level because we tend to celebrate with food.  It's just not the holidays without eating, right?

Instead of a slippery slope, it's more like a raging waterfall.  Every time I've hit the holidays, I've had major weight gain even though I've been on Weight Watchers and had every motivation to do well.  Three years ago  when I was desperate to look good for our wedding, I still gained ten pounds over the months of November and December.  I'm bound and determined to do better this year.  But how?  Sheer will power doesn't seem to be enough because it erodes away.  More posts on this topic are bound to follow.  But in the meantime, I think I've navigated Halloween pretty well (plus or minus a few fun size kit kat bars).

As a reward to myself for doing so well, I bought myself some new tops.  A lot of my shirts are baggy and I wanted some that show off my more curvy and sexy self.  I've still got a long, long ways to go, but I want to show off the progress I have made too.  Besides, shopping is a lot more fun when you know things fit.  :)

W43, Day 3: Costume Pics

I'm taking a break from work here to show off some pictures of my costume that I made.  At my school, we're doing our costume parade on Friday so my sewing machine has been humming right along this last week because of course I waited till nearly the last minute to get the thing done, even though I've had the pattern and material for months.  Anyway, I wanted a costume that would flatter my shape and be appropriate for school.  I love dressing up for Halloween.

I always have and since I was a kid, Halloween was my favorite holiday, not because of the candy (though that was a definite selling feature), but because of the dressing up.  There's something magical about shedding oneself for one day a year and donning a new persona as a princess, nurse, scarecrow, "Halloween thing", or whatnot.  Perhaps I've always loved the escapism of it all, and, as I said, I love costumes.  Costumes don't really love me though and for years I've had trouble finding anything that would a) fit me, as most women's costumes only go to a large or a size 12, 14, or 16; and b) not look too unflattering.

Women's costumes in "regular" sizes seem to exist primarily in the role of naughty/sexy and that's certainly not the side of me that I'm willing to show the public at large, even if I could fit into them.  Women's plus size costumes are often bulky and unflattering, or plain (for instance, there are tons of plus size witch costumes out there).  I guess the inner girly-girl in me wants my look to be pretty.  So I made my own costume.  It's still bulky, but at least it was made to fit my body.  The hat was a pain in the butt to make, but I rather like the overall look now that it's done.

W43, Day 1: Whoa!

Weigh day today and it's pretty awesome this week, but I'm also pretty confused about how that happened.  So, I'm at 195.4 as of this morning, which puts me at -3.4 for the week (really a banner week) and -33.6 pounds today, with 45 pounds more to go.  Okay, so here's the celebration time:  whooooo!!!  Three pounds in one week is amazing.  Excellent.

I will admit though that I'm completely baffled about how that loss happened.  I'm not trying to be modest or negative or anything, but I'm truly not understanding.  On Monday of last week, I totally went off my calories and I had two donuts and other assorted goodies on Boss's Day.  Regardless, the scale slid steadily downwards all week, but I knew I was going to eat freely this weekend and I figured I'd gain weight.  I did eat a lot on both Saturday and Sunday (and I truly mean a lot) but the scale stayed steady.  I only exercised three times last week, so it's not like I burned a ton of calories or anything.  Oh well, maybe sometimes there's no clear reason why the loss happens--but gee, I really wish I knew what the winning formula because it'd be great to be able to replicate it week after week.

W42, Day 5: Exercising to eat?

I did make it into the gym this week.  We only went three times, but that's better than nothing and I made sure to avoid things that strain my knee or back.  Last night I also bought a knee brace so I'll try that out on Monday and see if it helps.  I have been pondering things this week as I'm chugging along on the elliptical (it's  dull and my mind wanders) about how I work out.  

Generally we work out for 55 minutes and I do 25 minutes of cardio and 30 minutes of weight training.  In all honesty, I do the cardio because I want to burn calories and the weight training because I want to be stronger and build muscle.  Is that wrong?  I mean, obviously, it can't be wrong to exercise, but I've been perusing articles online about how you shouldn't focus on cardio because you're not really doing anything towards building muscle (and you need to build muscle to boost metabolism and get your body to burn more calories).  

Maybe I would get more bang for my time if I focused primarily on weight training.  My gym time is limited by time more than any other factor and I know I should be making the most of it.  But I rely on the cardio to burn calories so that I have a little more leeway during the day.  Do other people do that too?  Exercise to eat?  Is that okay?  I know that I use food as a tool to help me deal with the stresses of the day and I'm trying to be more aware of that, but I'm not going to deny that I've been a lot more stressed at work than usual and I come home craving sweets to make me feel better.  Lately I've been buying those Skinny Cow Dreamy Clusters with are chocolately goodness (the only downside of the treat is that it's a small portion, but I guess that's how it should be, eh?) and having one after dinner every night.  If I cut out the small treats like that, I could do less cardio and stay in my daily calories.  I just don't know if I'm ready to do that.

*These are pretty good.  You get about five little chocolately, chewy clusters.  I don't know about "dreamy," and they are a little pricey for what you get, but tasty none-the-less.

W42, Day 1: Weigh Day

As I look back on my blog I wonder, where did the week go?  I haven't written all week.  I think this mirrors my lack of motivation this week as well.  I've had a hard time being focused on my goals and staying within my calories.  My weigh day today is at 198.0, which isn't horrible, but isn't making any progress either.  Some of this is coming from a lack of gym time this month.  I missed a week of gym time when we went to camp and I was all ready to come back strong last week, but my knee hurt so much that I skipped a few days and treaded lightly the days I was there.  While my knee is still slightly tender, I feel ready to get back in there, except...

...now my back is killing me.  What the heck??  On Saturday it just started hurting intensely in my lower back, and though I loaded up on the Motrin, I was seriously not ready to go to the gym.  I skipped both yesterday and today and while my back is gently aching tonight, I think I'm going to go tomorrow morning.  If I can't do a whole lot while I'm there, maybe I can just gently walk the treadmill or elliptical.  It doesn't really matter if I'm not pushing myself hard, I just need to get in there and get my routine back on track.  I feel like I take more pride in my self--both mind and body--when I'm working out and that helps me skip the foods that aren't good for me.  I can't wait for both knee and back to heal though because I'm missing the spin classes a lot (they're a bit too hardcore for body parts that aren't working right).  C'mon body!

Okay, this next section is really for the ladies only (no offense guys), but I've noticed another interesting side effect of all the gym time is a very irregular and random monthly cycle that started when I began exercising daily.  I've missed many of my gym sessions this month and noticed that my cycle returned to normal, so I'm guessing that it's the exercise that's caused it.  It's sort of relief to know that my body isn't just going crazy!  I wonder if that's normal for folks who exercise?

W41, Day 2: Weigh day yesterday

Yesterday was weigh day, which, while not very thrilling, wasn't too terrible considering how I ate in the last week and a half.  I weighed in at 198.8, which puts me at +0.8 (with another +0.4 the week before).  Two weeks in a row of gain is not exactly thrilling, but I've been back at the gym this week and tracking my calories again, so I hope to be on the right path towards loss this week.

I've splurged (and splurged) and now I'm ready for normalcy.  On that note, I'm headed for an early bedtime because going to the gym early sure tuckers me out!

W40, Day 7: Refocused!

Today I've tried really hard to get things back on track.  I went to the gym for the first time in a week (most of last week was not my fault since I was in the woods, but I could have gone on Saturday and chose not to) and did a pretty good job on the elliptical and with the weights.  Walking onto the main floor, I was struck by a display of what five pounds of fat versus five pounds of muscle.  What a difference in size!  So far I've lost roughly 30 pounds and I stood there trying to imagine how big a mass that is.  Pretty cool.

I felt pretty good about my gym time, but I notice that my left knee is twinging like crazy--actually it's pretty hard to not notice--and it's worse after working out.  I'm not sure if a brace would help or do anything at all, but since I don't want to cut out my workout time, I guess I'm just going to have to try to ignore it and avoid putting unnecessary pressure on it (like doing squats, which always hurt).

I tracked all my calories today and am well within my total.  My stomach was growling off and on throughout the day and I snacked on several fruits and vegetables to help fill it, but the first day back on after several days off is always the hardest in terms of hunger.  In a few days, my stomach will have adjusted.  So, all in all, I'm feeling pretty good about the day:  I'm refocused and back on track.  Now I just need another cute kitty picture and my day is set.  Here we go...  :)

W40, Day 6: Falling off the wagon

Okay, I'm having trouble starting this entry because I'm a bit overwhelmed with everything I have consumed in the last week.  It's been bad.  I tried to control myself at camp and if I am going to find any successes this week, it's the knowledge that I did better at controlling myself there than I ever have in seven trips.  However, that doesn't mean I did a good job either.  On the worst camp food day, I went over by 1200 calories, putting me over 3,000 calories for the day.  Whew!  So obviously, eating at camp wasn't great and I expected that.

What I didn't expect was my reaction to being home.  I ate everything under the sun on Friday night and Saturday.  I know for certain that Friday night's binge was a bout of comforting and self-soothing.  I ate and ate and I figured I would get back on track on Saturday.  For the first time since I started using www.myfitnesspal.com, I didn't record my calories. On Saturday, things seemed to be going better, more normally, except that we spend a long afternoon in the backyard and when we came inside in the evening, I remembered that there was a very empty fridge.  Tired and hungry, we went out to eat and I picked unhealthily, throwing my calories out the window again.  After dinner, I snacked because I figured I was already lost for the day.  And again, I didn't record my calories, maybe because I didn't want to really acknowledge just how far off the mark I truly was.  I know from past experiences with Weight Watchers that not recording points/calories is the first big step off the path.  It's so easy to miss a day, then two, then a week....such an inconvenience to record everything...and pretty soon I've lost all accountability.

Today we are going on a social outing with friends to an apple farm with the usual assortment of treats there.  I plan to indulge with them, but I'm going to record everything.  I had a healthy breakfast and I will cook dinner tonight because we went grocery shopping last night.  It may not an overall healthy day and I may not stay in calories, but I'm going to do better than the last two days and I'm ready to get back on track with my goals.

W40, Day 1: Weigh Day

Weigh Day today and a rushed one at that since I am off to fifth grade camp in literally five minutes.  My weight today was 198.0, a small gain of +0.4 since last week.  To be honest with you, I got off easier than I deserved for my food performance last week.  I had three days where I ate way, way over my calories:  1) on Wednesday at a staff luncheon (too much food around, too many trigger foods), 2) on Friday night (emotional/self soothing eating), and 3) on Sunday (eating for fun/enjoyment).  With all of those extra calories, it wasn't a good food week and I'm worried about the one to come.

I'm packed some healthy snacks and a couple of yogurts for breakfast for the next couple days, but we'll just have to how it goes.  I'm going to try my utmost to stay strong around all that "kid food", but we all know that sometimes the best laid plans of mice and men go astray.  I'll let you know on Friday how it went.

With that, off I go!  Wish me luck!  :)

W39, Day 5: More photos

Today instead of writing, I thought I'd share a few pictures.  I was digging out my winter clothes from under the bed this morning and I found these pants that I used to wear to work all the time.  I saved them so that I could see my progress and why I never want to go back to where I was.  Check 'em out:

I'm nowhere near my ultimate goal, but it's still fun to see and feel progress.  Hooray for clown pants!