W52, Day 2: Christmas

Weigh day was actually yesterday, but things are a little different on vacation so I'm going to count today as the actual day.  We arrived back at home to our lonely kitties and while it felt blissful to sleep in our own bed, the scale tipped in at 199.6.  It was startling and a jolt to realize I was so close to hitting that 200 mark, a place I hope to never see again.  This morning the scale resettled at 196.6, but the first number helped me refocus myself today and remember my goals after a five day food rush over Christmas.

Christmas was lovely and it was wonderful to spend it with family.  And of course, there was lots of tasty food.  I realize that I am a grazer, constantly picking and munching at this and that.  While I greatly enjoyed all the different, rich stuff, I was sort of ready to go back to our normal routine today.

I hope everyone had a wonderful and joyful week.

 

W51, Day 3: Christmas Presents

So last weekend I ordered some Christmas presents for myself.  I know, it's the season of giving, but I wanted to give myself a reward for the progress I've made this year.  Besides, there was a sale--a really, really good sale--at Lands End.  They were offering 60% off their dresses, plus another 40% with an online promotion code.  I bought three dresses for $78, which was an incredible deal since at regular price, I'd only have been able to buy one at that price.  Pretty exciting!

I'm not sure what's with the jazz hands in this picture. I like this dress a lot, though it's a bit loose.  It'd be great for work or any event that requires professional dress.  It's actually sleeveless, but I sort of liked pairing this sweater with it because the dress is a heavy material and it seems odd to have bare arms.   And damn if my legs don't look pretty good in it too.  :)

This dress is a bit more form fitting, though it's hard to see it in this picture.  I like it, although I feel a little self-conscious because it hugs my waist a bit.  I like that the skirt flares out a bit though.  And apparently my kitty likes it too since he came over to visit.  Maybe he just wanted to be in the picture  :)

Lastly, I bought this one.  I'm holding the straps because I need to shorten the top by a couple inches, or I'm in danger of a wardrobe malfunction.  It also needs a good ironing, but you can see the shape of the dress and get the general idea.  I was going to order this dress in black, but at the last moment I switched to purple and I think I like this color better.   Maybe I could fill in for a sugar plum fairy if there's a vacancy on Christmas Eve.

W51, Day1: Feeling good

This morning I dragged my sorry butt off the couch (I gave up on sleep around 4:30 a.m. when my Sudafed ran out and watched early morning t.v. for a couple hours) and went to my training session at the gym.  I'd wanted to cancel the appointment, but I forgot to actually do so in time to avoid losing the session.  I hate to waste money so with a black cloud over my head, I pushed myself to go.  And I'm glad I did.

Sure, I had to go with a pocket stuffed full of tissue.  And I only did a ten minute short stint on the treadmill with no elevation (usually I do the uphill mode) instead of my usual 30 minute warm-up before the weight training stuff.  But that's okay, I got there and I moved around a bit and I was feeling pretty good.  When I met with my trainer, I really didn't want to be measured, though she insisted because it's been a couple months.  I was afraid the tape measure would be my enemy since the scale this morning said 195.0, up 0.4 from last week.  Heck, I'm really lucky that it was only that much because I went a bit crazy with chocolate and sweets this weekend in an attempt to self-soothe and provide relief from my cold.  It didn't work, but then it never does, I suppose.  So anyway, I was fine with the scale, but I didn't want to be measured.  But we did and it was okay.

Since the beginning of November, I've lost an inch off my calves, which is pretty cool, and small amounts off of everywhere else, except my upper arms, which is what we worked on today.  I expected to hear negative stuff because the scale hasn't improved, so it was surprising and nice to hear that I'm still thinning out (even in very tiny increments).  That's never happened during a holiday season before.

Honestly, I'm pretty proud of myself so far actually.  Today I worked out with my trainer and pushed myself hard even though I wasn't feeling my best.  I've trimmed down a little.  Even if I have gained a slight amount of weight so far, it's been nothing like the 8-10 pounds I always gain.  I'm doing pretty darn good, if I do say so myself!  :)

This is my most current Christmas picture.  

This is me at Christmas time last year.  

And finally, this was me at Christmas two years ago.  Again, with a kitty (sort of mandatory for most Christmas pictures.)  I can see a difference in my face now because it's a little more narrow towards the chin.  I still love my husband's Snoopy Christmas shirt.  :)

W50, Day 4: In the media

Okay, I take offense with the way media sources like the news on t.v. and the internet and movies often portray overweight and obese people.  I've come across the same picture used in two different articles and it's included in the slideshow link I've listed below.  The picture is the front of a fully naked woman (from the waist to the neck), obviously obese, with a doctor's scalpel in front.  The caption reads, "Obesity is a risk factor for developing arthritis in the knees, hips, hands and ankles."  Why on Earth is it necessary to include what most people would consider a humiliating picture with a caption like that?  It's demeaning to whoever's headless body is being shown in such a vulnerable way and the caption makes absolutely no connection to the picture. 


Honestly, I just find this slideshow very offensive in the offhand way they toss out degrading pictures:
http://www.healthcentral.com/osteoarthritis/cf/slideshows/why-being-overweight-causes-pain-5-facts/obesity-can-cause-arthritis-in-more-than-just-the-hips-or-knees/?ap=825

I think a lot of people--thin, regular, overweight, obese--would be uncomfortable being shown topless in any health slideshow, but somehow it's okay to do it when the person's fat.  Sometimes I get the idea that people think overweight folks just don't care about how they look.  In the same slideshow, I noticed this picture:

When I see this, I can't help but think, "Yeah, sure, because most overweight people walk about with their shirts bulging out like this because we all just love to look like slobs."  Please note the sarcasm.

And many a time I've seen a news story on t.v. about weight were some enterprising camera person films obese people walking about, capturing and focusing on their most painful areas, their waists and butts, while cutting off their heads (for privacy's sake, I've heard).  I imagine there are few people, healthy weight or not, that would feel comfortable with a camera focused right on their rear end and then broadcast on the local news.  Why is it okay to do this to overweight people?  Are there no stock photos or clips of obese people looking well dressed, respectable, and presentable?  An example might be the way Queen Latifah always looks amazing and well put together.  There's nothing to say that obese people don't take pains to look attractive and dress well.

If you go to plus size websites like www.lanebryant.com, you'll view many models dressed in plus size clothing who look fashionable and neat. In the picture on the left for example, the woman looks beautiful and comfortable (and hey, you can get 50% off).   I would like to note, however, that sometimes I feel sites like Lane Bryant and the Avenue select models that are too small to truly portray their clothing.  They need to get some larger women in these pictures since that's who's going to wear their clothes.  I guess they feel smaller women sell clothes.

My ultimate point is that we should stop and think about the images we see of overweight and obese people on t.v, in movies, and on the internet.  How are these people being portrayed?  How does it affect the way we think of obese people?  There are certainly more positive ways to depict overweight people that wouldn't make them seem like less than human beings.  Overweight and obese people can be just as brilliant, funny, lovable, beautiful, etc. as everyone else--why not picture them that way?


If you're interested, here's an  interesting slide show of the different ways obesity is portrayed in movies:
http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/galleries/2009/08/24/photos-how-obesity-is-portrayed-in-hollywood.html

This article is a lot more information about weight bias in the media:
http://www.obesityaction.org/magazine/ywm19/fattertainment.php

W50, Day 1: Middle of the Road

Week 50?!  How the heck has fifty weeks gone by?  Well, weigh day was fine today at 194.6, putting me at -1.4 for the week.  I'm definitely glad for the loss and pleased it's more than a pound, especially after I regained a bit over the weekend with some crazy eating out.  Looking back at previous entries, it's a little vexing to note that I weighed in at 194.0 on November 1st.  That means that for the last month and a half I really haven't made any progress.

I'm not sure why the holiday season (for us defined as the time from the weekend before Thanksgiving through our wedding anniversary, January 3rd) always leads to so much gain.  Maybe it's just easier to blame gain on the holidays than on lax self control and poor eating behavior.  In any case, I'll restate my goal for myself:  this holiday season, instead of driving myself crazy trying to lose weight or losing all control and just going food crazy, I'm just going to try to maintain my weight at about 194 pounds.  No major losses to try to reach, no absolutely crazy behavior leading to massive gains.  I guess I just want to shoot for the middle of the road.  We'll see how it goes as we get nearer to Christmas.

I'm still hoping that the key to my food sanity this year is two doable objectives:  maintain weight and keep exercising.  So let's trim that tree, deck those halls, and do a solid jog on the treadmill too.  :)

W50, Day 1:

Week 50?!  How the heck has fifty weeks gone by?  Well, weigh day was fine today at 194.6, putting me at -1.4 for the week.  I'm definitely glad for the loss and pleased it's more than a pound, especially after I regained a bit over the weekend with some crazy eating out.  Looking back at previous entries, it's a little vexing to note that I weighed in at 194.0 on November 1st.  That means that for the last month and a half I really haven't made any progress.

I'm not sure why the holiday season (for us defined as the time from the weekend before Thanksgiving through our wedding anniversary, January 3rd) always leads to so much gain.  Maybe it's just easier to blame gain on the holidays than on lax self control and poor eating behavior.  In any case, I'll restate my goal for myself:  this holiday season, instead of driving myself crazy trying to lose weight or losing all control and just going food crazy, I'm just going to try to maintain my weight at about 194 pounds.  No major losses to try to reach, no absolutely crazy behavior leading to massive gains.  I guess I just want to shoot for the middle of the road.  We'll see how it goes as we get nearer to Christmas.

I'm still hoping that the key to my food sanity this year is two doable objectives:  maintain weight and keep exercising.  So let's trim that tree, deck those halls, and do a solid jog on the treadmill too.  :)

W49, Day 5: Jeans!

Yesterday I stopped by Kohl's intending to run in for one small thing.  In the usual way of such ventures, however, I lingered in the women's clothing section, idling browsing the shelves and racks when I came across the jeans section, my own personal no man's (woman's!) land.  On a whim, I pulled out pair of Levi's, size 16, and held them up, scrutinizing the waistband before deciding that they were still far too narrow for my waist.  I almost put them down, but I decided to try them on anyway so I'd know how far I still had to go.

I read once that on average women try on over twenty pairs of jeans before buying one, and I know that's certainly true for me.  I've tried on plenty of size 16s in my lifetime and with the exception of when I was in high school, they've never fit.  I took two different styles in the same size into the dressing room with me and you know what?  Huzzah!!  They fit!  One pair was a snugger fit and there was some muffin topping going on, so I set them aside.  The other pair was a "Comfort Fit" (they put stretchy stuff hidden inside the waistband) and I thought it looks rather flattering so I splurged and bought them.  I was just so thrilled to be able to buy jeans from the "regular" sizes, something I haven't done in more than twenty years.  I'm not a true size 16 yet, but I just felt so good about my efforts.  As the year is coming to an end, I've been reflecting on what I've accomplished.  I may not have my 50 pound goal, but I did lose 35 pounds, dropped multiple sizes, and even better, I'm starting to feel better about myself.  I still have moments of all that negative stuff associated with my body, but I'm in a different place now than a year ago.  And I'm so thankful for that.

I tried to carry that thought with me to the staff Christmas party last night, but I still overindulged.  Ah well, onwards and upwards today.

*For any gentlemen reading, the next paragraph might be a little too much info.*

Boosted by my success at the jeans table, I even went bra shopping, something I absolutely hate.  It's odd because I love to shop, but not for underclothes.  Maybe there's just not enough fabric and the mirror is too large and I have to see myself too clearly, I don't know, but I strongly dislike it.  Honestly, I'd rather look at power tools.  However, today I confronted it because I've been needing some smaller bras since mine hang loosely around me, doing little to offer support in swimmingly large cups.  And you know what?  It wasn't that bad.  I found a couple I liked and fit well without being uncomfortable and emboldened by the jeans, I splurged and bought a bright colored one just for the fun of wearing something cute and pretty underneath.  Surely I deserve it, right?  My weight tracker says "Yes!" though I'm sure my pocketbook will disagree!  I've got to be careful because losing weight can be costly!

I'll post pictures of the jeans later on tonight.  :)

W49, Day 4: Real hunger vs. fake?

I'm hungry.  Very hungry.  I recently ate dinner, and an after-dinner snack, and I'm still so hungry.  The last two days my stomach has felt like it's been burrowing out of my body.  I've been eating my usual breakfast and lunches (yogurt, fruit, frozen SmartOnes meal, granola bar, pretzels, veggis, cheese, etc.) and for dinner last night I had a cup of rice with 7 ounces of meal stir-fried with a good quantity of veggis.  And I topped off the meal with some dark chocolate and a cup of tea.  I'm not starving myself.

Yet I felt a voracious hunger yesterday that was not abated by meals or by the time I went to bed.  I lay in bed wishing for a handful of carrots or a chunk of apple with some peanut butter.  That's how I know I'm really hungry--when I'm wishing for cupcakes or chocolate or sweets in general, I know it's not real. One of my WW leaders once mentioned this, saying, "If you are willing to eat plain green beans or other vegetables, it's probably real hunger."  Isn't it funny that sometimes it's hard for me to tell real hunger from fake?  I mean, I've done a lot of eating throughout my life, you'd think I'd know how to feel hunger.  Or maybe I don't.  Maybe that's part of the problem.  My brain desires, but maybe it doesn't understand what's truly necessary.  Maybe most hunger in me is simply the stirring of my body wanting the physical stimulants of addiction, rather than the nourishment of the body.

In any case, when I woke up this morning, I was ravenous.  I've tried to eat filling foods today to cut down on the empty ache, but it's still within me this evening.  I guess I'll have a cup of herbal tea to try to help fill up this bottomless pit.

This would be my cats' solution to the hunger issue.  They especially make 

themselves known early on a Saturday morning.  

W49, Day 1: Weigh Day

Tuesday already?  Somehow it seems like the week is divided into three parts:  the hungry days following weigh day, the indulgent weekend days, and then weigh day all over again.  I was thinking about this last night: it doesn't make sense to go hungry for most of the week, make good progress by Friday, and then overindulge and backtrack all weekend.  Monday is my recover and pray the weekend weight will magically melt off day.

The weekend is so much harder than workdays to stay on a food schedule, probably for a couple big reasons:  1) There's so much more structure to a workday.  I can't just sit around and eat because I am simply too busy running around like a crazy person.  2) Food is fun.  Food is enjoyable and when I am not working, I want to enjoy my time.  I want to have fun.  And coming back around, food is fun.  Hence, it's easy to fall into bad habits.

And speaking of bad habits, last night I raced home to put up Christmas lights and after climbing up and down the ladder, I was pooped.  I had planned on cooking dinner before going grocery shopping, but that went right out the window, along with my willpower, and we went to get Chinese food.  It has been so long since I've had any and damn if it didn't taste good.  After the Chinese food, well, I'd already fallen right off that wagon, so I followed it up with a cupcake.  *Sigh*  Why is it that I can't just make myself do what I need to do?  It's just so easy once I've fallen, to jump right off the hill.  The splat at the bottom is when I step on the scale the next day.  Fortunately, it's not too bad of a splat this week.  The weigh in was at 196.0, which isn't great, but at least it's -1.0.  Now hopefully for a little more control this weekend.  We'll see.

W48, Day 6: Groceries

Okay, so you know it's time to go grocery store when you are almost out of chocolate.  Can't have that!

I was doing pretty well at getting back into a food routine after Thanksgiving up until the weekend.  I was really hungry all the way through Thursday, but by Friday things were starting to get back to normal.  I even made it to the gym four times this week, which isn't perfect, but is better than I've done for the last two weeks.

This weekend we had company and rather than cook, we ate out for the last three days.  Eeek, right?  Add on a rather large quantity of beer and it was an excellent weekend.  In reflection, if we'd had more groceries in the fridge, I might have been more tempted to cook our meals, but an empty refrigerator automatically seems to mean restaurant time.  Does this happen to you?  I try to keep a full fridge most of the time, but we didn't go shopping last week or this weekend.  Scrounging the cupboards is always risky!

Well, back to the routine tomorrow...and maybe the grocery store too!