I guess lately I've been talking a lot about my food transgressions. I realize that for me that goes with the unstated daily accounting that says I am doing what I am supposed to be doing most of the other days. I do work on a daily basis to stay in my food goals; I eat tons of fruits and veggis; I have cut way back on the carbs and fats; I log my foods; I try to use restraint and prudence around food; I try to exercise more. It isn't easy. These are not natural behaviors for me yet and I do get terribly tired enforcing the rules.
I used to dream, fantasize, wish every day, multiple times a day, to somehow magically be transformed into the thin, beautiful person I wished was inside. I felt that if I could just somehow instantly have that thin body, then I'd maintain it. I'd do what it took to keep the weight off. Whatever it took. Now I know that's not true.
Over the last few years of doing WW, I've learned that weight loss is a process of retraining not only the body, but the mind too. I have to learn again and again how to behave myself around food. It's not easy. Sometimes the desire for food is so strong that I just want to eat and eat and never stop. I dream intensely of food. (Some people have sex dreams, right? But no, not me, I have to dream of donuts.) It's taken me three years to get to this realization that I have to go through the process of relearning everything. And it's so damn hard because my mind and body is in a constant state of want. I have so far to go and it scares me because I'm going to have to cut back more if I want to go farther. If I'm so empty now, how can I cut more?? I know there are things I can cut down, like my weekly allowance, but that's what's keeping me hanging on at this point. I guess it's better to put my head down and try not to look too far ahead.