Friday, March 4, 2011

W9, Day 4; Mindset change??

I guess lately I've been talking a lot about my food transgressions.  I realize that for me that goes with the unstated daily accounting that says I am doing what I am supposed to be doing most of the other days.  I do work on a daily basis to stay in my food goals; I eat tons of fruits and veggis; I have cut way back on the carbs and fats; I log my foods; I try to use restraint and prudence around food; I try to exercise more.  It isn't easy.  These are not natural behaviors for me yet and I do get terribly tired enforcing the rules.

I used to dream, fantasize, wish every day, multiple times a day, to somehow magically be transformed into the thin, beautiful person I wished was inside.  I felt that if I could just somehow instantly have that thin body, then I'd maintain it.  I'd do what it took to keep the weight off.  Whatever it took.  Now I know that's not true.  

Over the last few years of doing WW, I've learned that weight loss is a process of retraining not only the body, but the mind too.  I have to learn again and again how to behave myself around food.  It's not easy.  Sometimes the desire for food is so strong that I just want to eat and eat and never stop.  I dream intensely of food.  (Some people have sex dreams, right?  But no, not me, I have to dream of donuts.)  It's taken me three years to get to this realization that I have to go through the process of relearning everything.  And it's so damn hard because my mind and body is in a constant state of want.  I have so far to go and it scares me because I'm going to have to cut back more if I want to go farther.  If I'm so empty now, how can I cut more??  I know there are things I can cut down, like my weekly allowance, but that's what's keeping me hanging on at this point.  I guess it's better to put my head down and try not to look too far ahead.

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