Thursday, March 31, 2011

W13, Day 3: Skirmishes

Things fell apart this week.  I know, the week's not over and I still have four days left, but I'm pretty sure I've done enough damage that it's going to take out the whole week's progress.  What happened???   I lost control of things.  My discipline not only slipped, it fell off a cliff.  I'm upset and angry at myself, but that didn't really stop me from making choices I knew were wrong for me.

So, I started the week with good intentions and full of determination as always.  I had a good loss going all the previous week--until I got on the scale on Tuesday and was really disappointed.  You might wonder, "It was only a pound less than you thought, why's that disappointing??"  I'd have to answer that I put in so much anguish and hope into each and every weighs on me constantly (some pun intended).  So anyway, I was disappointed.  Then there was the cake.  It was the sweetest, kindest gift I think I've ever received from a student, but it was too much to resist.  She made a homemade, incredibly smelling cake...for me... I already confessed that I had a large slice that day.  And I hoped that was it and that the others would eat it all up and the memory of the cake was enough.

Except that it was still there the next day.  And guess what?  Yup, another piece...and not a tiny one.  I wanted to not eat it.  I agonized about it.  I waged a mental war.  And for the first time since I started this round of WW, I feel like I lost.  I didn't choose to eat the cake rationally, I did it because I caved under the mental pressure.  And in that single moment, I was lost.  (Am I still lost???)

I tried to restart things today, but today was the worst yet.  It was fine until I stumbled into a staff breakfast.  I did put fruit on my plate....but then picked up the donut.  I didn't even fight myself, I just gave in.  And then we went out for dinner (after a lot of angst and discussion and in the end, giving in) and had a burrito.  The burrito burned with spicy pepper, so what else was there to do but finish it out with three mochi ice-cream balls?  The greatest of my food sins is not just the poor food choices, but the giving in.  What happened?  Where's my fight and drive?  I just feel so down and tired overall, not just about food.  But hey, everyone feels that way sometimes and they still have to make good choices, right?

So, I'm trying to put it in perspective and remember, "Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it."  Adelante.

No comments:

Post a Comment