Okay, yesterday was the overview of why I’m back to my current weight. Today is for the nitty gritty, painful details. I’m embarrassed, so let’s just get them out of the way right away, rather like the way it’s less painful to pull off a band aid all at once or easier to jump into a pool instead of slide in slowly. Today I weighed in at 235.2. That’s not the highest weight I’ve ever been at before pregnancy, but it’s definitely not something I’m proud of. The day I learned I was pregnant, my birthday last year, I weighed in at 202. The day I went into the hospital to start labor, I weighed in at 261, having gained 59 pounds. Yikes.
Aiming to lose one pound per week, I’ve set my new goal at 190 pounds, with a secondary (never reached) goal at 175. If you’re new to my blog, you may wonder why I chose a goal that would not make me skinny. The reason is that I don’t necessarily want to be thin (although really, who doesn’t?), but rather, I want to feel healthy, confident, and strong. I feel good at 190 pounds, comfortable in my own body. I’ve been that weight before so I know it’s attainable and reasonable for me. I would very much like to reach 175 pounds or a little under because that would take me out of the obese category on the b.m.i. charts, but I’m willing to set that goal a little farther out. I want to focus first on something I can reach.
Another goal I really want to highlight is less measurable, but I want to regain my strength. Before my pregnancy, I went to the gym several times a week. I felt strong and could see and feel my muscle growth. Now I feel frustratingly weak. Getting up from the ground is tough. Sitting up in bed is tough. Walking more than a few minutes is tough. I hate it. While I still have my membership, I haven’t been to the gym since November. I’m not trying to make excuses, but I don’t foresee going in the near future either. I imagined that after birth, I’d be able to pop right back in and work that elliptical. The reality is that my constraints are time and exhaustion. I truly can’t go during the day while I’m taking care of the baby. I have a window of a couple hours in the evening when my husband is home and we jointly care for baby, but by then, the lack of sleep and exhaustion from the day weighs me down and I’m already looking towards bed. I think this will improve as the baby begins sleeping more at night, and if not, summer is only a couple of months away and we’ll both be home all day. Until then, baby and I have been going for walks. It’s crazy how a 25 minute walk around the neighborhood exhausts me, but it’s the first step towards building up some endurance. We’ll keep at it and I’m going to attempt some exercises at home. Maybe I should just do reps of lifting the baby up and down over my head. After seven weeks of holding him, my arms are definitely getting a work out!