It's another weigh day today and stepping on that scale was pretty good today at 231.4, putting me down 2.4 from last week and down 3.8 pounds total from my starting weight. I was also thinking this morning about how I weighted exactly thirty pounds more the day my labor started. I checked my pregnancy weight log that I kept in the (vain) hope of avoiding gaining too much weight, and I weigh as much now as I did on week 26. It rather feels like I am now taking backward steps away from my pregnancy. I sort of imagine it as a long ladder that I climbed up step by step and pound by pound until I reached the roof. Now I am working my way back down the same ladder, step by step and pound by pound until I my feet reach the bottom where I am comfortable again.
In some ways, I think I should be focusing on setting higher...or, er, lower...weight goals for myself, but really, if I could fit in most of my clothes again and be back to where I was, I think I'd be happy for right now. When I get closer to that point, I'll reevaluate, but in the meantime I'm feeling good.
In a way, it's still funny for me to say that I'm feeling good about my body right now because my discomfort with it has been so ingrained, but it's true. I feel good about my body right now. I should print this entry and post it on the wall to remind myself of that! But seriously, I still have some aches and pains that I didn't before, but I'm feeling so much more mobile and stronger than I have been in months. It feels great. When I look in the mirror, I see the after effects of the pregnancy: stretch marks, loose skin, a big tummy, etc., which would have made the old me shudder, but now seems okay. I can see a narrow place under my bust and an emerging waist and know it's the old me coming back. I'm all right with that
. What a rare thing to be comfortable in my own skin. Now I just need to find a way to hold on to that feeling.