So this week has been a lost week in terms of weight loss. It was a very busy week, followed by a wonderful weekend and while I've enjoyed it all, it's time to get back on track. I really want to be doing what I am supposed to do. I don't understand why I'm having such a hard time doing the same things that I've been doing for the last eighteen weeks. What makes it so difficult now? For instance, today I was determined to do well and stick exactly to my points. Exactly. I got up this morning and had a granola bar and an apple for breakfast. Fiber-licious. I brought my lunch to work with the good intention of sticking to the plan. So far so good.
Then when work started, someone brought in a box of huge cookies. I tried to resist, I swear I did--I even went so far as to say "No thanks" the first time she offered--but in the end, I ate one. Why? Why didn't I just stick to 'no'? Then at lunch I had two mini-donuts that were out leftover from Friday treats. Arghhh! It just feels that when I start to spiral out of control, there's no way to get back. It's as if my mind says, "Well, you've already messed it all up. Just give it up today and eat what you want." It's so stupid. But I can't make myself not think it. I truly don't want to continue this list of food sins, but I think I need to. So, to continue, after work I ate a candy bar that was in my work mailbox from Friday. Why? I don't know. It didn't really even taste that great because I felt terrible about myself while doing it. And then when I got home I even munched on some black licorice (my favorite candy). Why??!! I don't know. Why did I even have that candy in the cupboard? Because I broke down last week and gave in to impulse. So, in the end: the scale is going to be terrible tomorrow and I am going to have to face it. I tried to add some vegetables with dinner (we've been skimping on the veggis lately) and to not eat dessert (I've already had it thrice over). But, in order to get out of this pit that I've dug myself in lately, I want to make some new goals and resolutions:
1. I am going to chart and record all my daily points. (I'd started sliding on recording my foods, skipping it altogether lately.) This will help me stay on track.
2. I am going to eat more vegetables and make salad again.
3. To help with #2, I'm going to go grocery shopping tomorrow to stock the fridge with healthy things that I can eat. This will help me avoid eating out of snacking on things that are inappropriate.
4. I am going to acknowledge how frustrated I feel with myself and how terrible I feel I look and try to just accept it and move on.
5. I am not going to eat the cupcake that I know is coming tomorrow. If I can triumph over the enemy cupcake, perhaps there is some hope for me. (Heaven help me should I fail this mission).
Onwards and upwards...I don't know where I lost the feeling that I can do this, but I have to remind myself that I can.