Thursday, September 29, 2011

W39, Day 3: Change of environment = trigger tempations

I have no idea where this week went.  So often that seems the way of things, the time just flies by in a whirl of mostly busy nothings and a few busy somethings.  Next week I'll be heading to fifth grade camp with my bunch of kids and somehow it's hard to believe that it's almost time to go.  Camp activities aside, I'm worried about the food aspect.

Traditionally, I gain 3-5 pounds during camp week.  Part of this is because that a lot of the food served there is "kid friendly" stuff like chicken nuggets, pasta, pizza, pancakes, etc.  Obviously these are foods that I generally avoid or keep to a minimum, so four days worth of them is a bit much.  The second problem is portion control.  This sounds like it would be easy to deal with--just don't take much of anything, right?  But when I see that assortment of 'forbidden' foods all there with everyone eating them, well, things sort of fall apart.

An example of this was our staff luncheon yesterday.  I knew it was coming and starting mentally preparing myself to pick my lunch with moderation and care.  "Moderation and care, moderation and care, moderation and care...." went my mental mantra.  And then I saw the mountains of goodies and tasties.  Moderation and care flew out the window.  Nearly a couple of thousand calories later, I wanted to feel remorse but it got lost somewhere too.  Deep down, I feel anger at myself when I lose control so completely because it reminds me that I'm not fixed, or cured, or really in control over my mind.  Instead I just put my head down and take it day by day, calorie by calorie, compromise by compromise.

Anyway, getting back to the camp thing, it's just mentally overwhelming to be around so many trigger foods.  I'm trying to prepare myself now so that I can get through next week successfully---here's hoping for mental strength!

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