Sunday, September 4, 2011
W35, Day 6: Confusion
I am functioning under the impression that calories in = calories out. What I mean by that is I've heard many times from general dieters, Weight Watchers, and websites that the number of calories that go into my body determine a gain or loss. It's as simple as that, right? If you eat more calories, you gain weight. If you eat fewer calories, you lose weight. There have been many instances in the last few years when I have wondered if that is true.
For example, several times I've indulged in rich foods and stayed under my daily food points and not lost weight or actually gained. How could this be if I ate fewer calories than I was supposed to? Oh how I railed at the diet gods that week.
Further, last week I ate under my calories every day except Saturday. I am allotted 1,750 daily calories and also get an exercise allowance on the days when I worked out, taking me up to around 2,000 total, but I tried to eat around 1,400-1,500 calories those days. In theory, I should have lost two pounds that week because I was already eating about 500 calories less than I burned plus the extra 500 calories from exercise. Instead I lost nothing. How could that be? I swear I counted my calories as faithfully as possible.
This week, in rebellion, I ate almost every single one of my calories, including my exercise ones and even had a way-over-calorie-crazy-food day. The day after my binge lunch on Wednesday, I expected a gain on the scale and was shocked there was nothing. The scale has been sliding down in small increments all week. How can this be?? I eat so much more, (so much!) and yet I've begun to lose weight again. Potentially, I'm looking at a relatively large loss this week after eating like crazy. In truth, while I love eating more food, I also feel uncomfortable. As if I am letting myself slide slowly out of control. What if I'm tiptoeing my way into fueling my addiction?
I know that in the month that I've dropped Weight Watchers and started eating more, I've lost about ten pounds after four months of plateau. That should be evidence enough, but I just can't seem to accept the idea of eating more. I guess deep down my biggest fear is that I'm going to make myself more fat. What if I wake up one day and I'm so much worse than I am now? Obviously you can't gain weight that quickly, but I'm just afraid of losing the control I've worked so hard to build these last seven months.