Whew, somehow this has felt like a crazy week! Part of this is because I've been so tired that I haven't gotten done everything that needs to be done, putting me further behind and adding to my sense of being overwhelmed. Maybe it's also due in part to not really working out much this week too. Normally in a week I work out every weekday, and on Mondays and Fridays twice. This week I just have had no strength for any of that. I went to the gym on Monday and Tuesday, but yesterday when I dragged myself out of bed to go to the gym, I think my sick body would have been better served sleeping in because I barely managed 20 minutes on the elliptical when I stopped I felt like I was going to be sick and I couldn't breathe because my lungs were full of gunk (exercise generally involves breathing). Normally I feel re-energized after a workout, but that took everything out of me and sapped me of any energy I had. Today I just stayed in bed for the extra hour.
You may be wondering to yourself, "Why doesn't this fool girl just stay in bed if she's sick?" And if you're not thinking it, I have been off and on to myself this week. I'm feeling almost normal tonight--less like an asthmatic long-time smoker--but maybe I'd have healed quicker if I'd just given into it and spend my time resting? I guess it was fear that pushed me onward....fear that I'm going to be fat forever, fear that I was letting my mind take me down "the slippery slope" to laziness and giving in to everything. I've lost and gained so many times that I know how easily it is to fall off for what you think is a day and find the slump lasted for months or a year... If I'm exercising, I know that I'm not letting my mind and body lose control. I'm doing what needs to be done. If I'm just laying on the couch, what if I'm just letting myself fall?