Wednesday, April 17, 2013

W6, Day 1: Weigh Day

All right, weigh day today.  I've been intending to write this post all day long but just have been distracted by this and that.  When I got on the scale, I expected it to be terrible.  I've been avoiding the scale because I know I've done a poor job this week.  It's funny how perception is different from reality because I looked at my belly and would swear it's bigger and worse than ever.  I didn't really want to know how much I'd gained.  So I stepped on...and it was 228.8, a small loss of 0.4.  Wow.  I didn't expect that at all.

Having a very small success feels much better than another failure.  Oddly, I feel more motivated to do well.  I don't think I earned any loss, but I'll take it!

On another note, I've been thinking ahead a couple of weeks a lot lately.  I go back to work in a week and a half and I already feel sad about it.  On the bright side, being back at work means that I'll get more calories each day and have a structured day where food is not accessible.  Still, I don't feel ready to go.  Maybe most new moms feel this way?  I know I've been very lucky to stay home with my baby for thirteen weeks.  I just don't want to leave him.  I want to stay home and play mommy.  And to be honest, I feel a little scared to go back out and face the world again (which probably means it definitely needs to happen).  It feels like there have been so many changes in me--having a baby feels majorly life altering!  Combining this with many changes at work and I'm so intimidated.

Uh, this is a weight loss journal, you might say, not a post pregnancy diary...focus on the food!  Well, the upshot of these uncomfortable feelings is that I feel the need for comforting.  Sometimes that comfort may come from holding my beautiful boy in my arms...and other times it comes from cookies.  Yikes, right?  Fortunately, I'm out of cookies (and won't buy more) and I do know that I need to face this upcoming challenge squarely and stand tall.  I'll only be at work for five weeks until I'm out for summer and I can spend oodles of time with my baby.  In the meantime, I need to enjoy our time together now.  Time for hugs!

Happy smile makes his momma smile!  :)

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