I'm rediscovering food. Tasting each bite, the flavor seeping into my mouth. Enjoying food again. It's such a simple thing, this whole tasting food thing. It's almost like waking up again after a long nap. With Weight Watchers I tended to eat the same things because those were the things that fit into my daily points plan. I was often empty--not hungry, but empty--throughout the day. I felt empty all the time. In a way, this was good because I rely on food to fill something emotional within myself. But in the last few weeks I feel like I've been finding food all over again. Tasting again. Enjoying again. Of course that makes me happy, but it makes me afraid too. Isn't liking food how I got into this mess in the first place? I'm going to have to watch myself and check myself carefully so that I don't go overboard. If I didn't have a place to easily keep track of my calories, I couldn't eat this way and not gain weight. I have to see those calories tally up to know how to behave. But for now, maybe that's enough. I may not be able to eat normally without keeping close track like other people do, but I can still live and enjoy food in careful portions. It's one more step in the right direction.
On a random note, I cut out on the gym this morning. I've been making it every morning, but yesterday it was really rough getting up. I was exhausted to my core. It was also a long day at work and when I got home, I had a lovely sore throat and headache to keep me company. I ate dinner and promptly passed out on the couch and slept the evening away. Setting my alarm clock for bed, I made the choice to "sleep in" until six this morning to give my body a little more rest. It must have helped because I feel a lot better today, though not quite 100%. However, I felt guilty too as if someone was going to point their finger and chide, "Shame on you." I know no one really would and that I need to give myself some leeway because when you're not feeling well, you're not feeling well. I'll make the session up this weekend though to try to relieve these guilty creepings in the back of my mind. My husband and I are thinking about making one weekday the official "rest" day because while we've made it to the gym, we've been really tired. Thank goodness it's Friday because I need a sleep in day!