Friday, November 11, 2011

W45, Day 4: Shopping Confidence

I love shopping.  Love it.  Clothes, home accessories, garden items, etc., it's all fun to look at, touch, or try on (though I hasten to say I rarely buy, lest you think me a horder or anything).  It's just fun to walk around and look at things.  I do it so often my husband has termed it "shoppercise" and to some degree that's true, though at least I'm moving my buns as I meander around the aisles.

Only lately shopping has become more fun and intimidating all in one.  Intimidating, you ask?  How can that be since you've lost weight?  I'll tell you.  Things are beginning to fit me better, a lot better, than ever before.  I'm out of the plus size and that awkward gap between normal sizes and plus sizes.  Now when I walk into a department store, a large or extra large will fit.  It may not look flattering, but it will fit.  That's wonderful and I'm thrilled because it's a lot better for my self-image.  The problem is that I don't know where to shop.

Now obviously that's not a huge problem in the greater scope of world issues, I know, but since this is a weight loss blog, I claim the right to be superficial at times.  So, anyway, back to the shopping question:  where do people like to shop?  I'm comfortable with department stores like Macy's and JCPenney because they are safe.  They are large and anonymous and no one takes any notice of me as I wander around from rack to rack.  No one looks at me as I walk into a dressing room carrying a whole armload of things that I will not end up taking with me on the way back out (I usually try on a whole bunch of things, but don't buy anything).  In my plus size days, I used to shop frequently at Lane Bryant and Torrid, smaller chain stores in the mall, and I was never intimidated because they were intended for women like me (round but still wanting fashionable clothes).  Now all those small chain stores just seem so intimidating.

I guess the fear goes way back to when I've weighed a whole lot more.  It's stupid, but I feel fear that I'll walk through the doors of some trendy little shop and the sales people will take one look at me and know I'm too fat to fit into anything in the store.  They'll smile and be polite and be wondering to themselves, "Who is this woman trying to fool? She doesn't belong in here."  Now, obviously, it shouldn't matter what anyone thinks and my rational mind knows that sales people probably have a lot more things going on in their lives to be thinking anything much about any random shopper.  Yet my irrational side won't let go of its nervousness.  It's crazy for me to be afraid of shopping, but I am.

I'd really like to go into one of those shops, like maybe New York & Company, Express, Gap, ect. but for now I guess I'll stick with the basic department stores.  It's one of those things I ponder though:  I've lost weight, where's my new-found confidence?  I must have misplaced it under my couch or in the garage or something.  Maybe it's time I went looking for it.

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