Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Y2, W4, Day 1: HUNGRY!!!

It's weigh day and I weighed in at 196.6, putting me at -0.8 for the week, which really wasn't too bad a place to end the week considering how off track I was with my food.  So good.

Here's my two problems or considerations for this week.

I'm hungry.  Very very hungry all day for the last few days.  I wake up hungry.  I eat breakfast and go to the gym.  I eat a snack upon return, but I'm still starving.  I go to work and try to ignore the rumble until snack recess, after which I try to hold out till lunch.

Today at lunch I ate my sandwich and working on my apple and veggis when I looked in my lunch bag for the sandwich I'd already eaten.  I felt keen disappointment to find that my sandwich bag was empty.  My handful of pretzels didn't make up for the want of a second sandwich.

I get home from work incredibly hungry and eat an early dinner, ensuring that I feel hungry again by the time I go to sleep.  I am in no way withholding food from my body and generally eat 1900-2100 calories on the days I exercise (most days) and 1650-1750 calories on the days I don't.  You'd think by now my body would have adjusted to the amount of food it gets.  I'm eating plenty of protein, but I'm going to boil some extra eggs tonight to have as a snack for the next few days.  We'll see if it helps.

Okay, the second thing that I've spent way too much mental energy on is a potluck at work tomorrow.  I hate work potlucks.  I love work potlucks. This probably mirrors the way I hate food because I feel such a dependence on it, and I love it for how it makes me feel good.  I always go into potlucks with a sense of determination and self-control, and a couple of plates later, I leave with a sense of failure and shame.  WW used the term trigger foods to represent foods that you truly cannot control yourself around, foods that set off negative behaviors--pretty much most of the foods that I generally deny myself--and so much of those foods are on display at potlucks.  My control flies out the window, not to mention my progress that week.  I'm skipped out on them before, but it feels so lonely and forlorn to be sitting alone in my classroom at lunch.  I know it's a childish way to think of it, but it feels like I'm being punished.  I'm still not sure what I'm going to do tomorrow.  Guess I'll find out.

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