Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Y2, W11, Day 1: The Brink

Okay, I seem to be a broken record here...struggling...not doing what I need to be doing....lost my focus....try again next time...blah, blah, blah.  Maybe that's why I've not been more inspired to be more consistent with this blog.  And then last week I didn't even bother to log my foods at all--I mean, why should I when I can keep on track of the food stuff myself, right?  I didn't even get on the scale because my brain said, "It's fine, you're fine."

And then I got on the scale Sunday night.  201.4.  *Pause for a moment of well-deserved but still painful angst*

I know, I know, it's just a number, right?  But in my mind there is a deep divide between being on the one hundred side of things and the two hundred side of things.  This isn't just bouncing around the same couple of pounds, this is absolutely moving in the wrong direction.  It's so frustrating because I know it shouldn't be, but so much of my feelings of self-worth are tied up in a stupid number.  If that number goes up, I feel the shame of being lacking in self-control.  I see myself differently and it's not for the better.

I panicked and immediately started planning what I was going to do differently (log my foods, stay focused, etc.) so maybe the whole thing is a blessing in disguise because fear, agitation, and guilt have given me a kick in the pants to do what's needful.

I logged my calories yesterday and today and I weighed in this morning at 199.4.  I've got to get away from that brink!


  1. I'm in the same boat. I can't get out of the rut I'm in, either. So many temptations and I've been so lazy lately! The cold, gloomy~ish weather hasn't been helping, either. Let's both try and do our best! <3 Though I might need a nap first. ><

  2. Thanks Mandy! The weather hasn't been helping and I was on desk duty in a dark cave of an office the last two weeks instead of up and about in the classroom--sitting there made me want to eat more. Hang in there and maybe the spring breezes will wash in some new determination for us both!

  3. Your post made me smile. Let's hear it for fear, agitation and guilt--a trio of unsung heroes!