Tuesday, June 7, 2011

W23, Day 1: Exhilaration and despair

I've made two more visits to the gym since that first time on Saturday.  It's definitely a lot easier to get to the parking lot and through the doors.  I feel a lot more comfortable getting there.  Sunday I did the same thing as Saturday:  30 minutes on the elliptical and then a little bit of time on the weight machines.  I was definitely sore in my arms, shoulders, upper chest, and abs.  Yesterday I did a Zumba class.  I don't know what it is about Zumba.  I want to do it really badly because I've always thought it would be fun.  Yet I have the damnest time doing it.  I feel all a jumble of feet and hips and arms.  I tried it a few times at our old gym and didn't love it, and then with a good friend once, which was better because I enjoyed the company, but it still didn't click.

Maybe the problem is that I am expecting to be okay-ish at it from the beginning, but I'm really not.  My butt doesn't sling from side to side, my hips don't shake.  I was really impressed by the instructor's posterior though...she was sliding from side to side and each cheek moved almost independently of themselves.  I was like, "DAMN, girl!"  I'm sort of torn because I'm debating whether to try the Zumba again tomorrow--because I don't want to just give up--or to try the 'Toning and Tightening' class right after instead.  I guess it just depends on me to decide what my goals are here:  Zumba seems like it's about cardio work with some core strengthening, whereas toning is about, well, toning muscles.  I think maybe the latter is what I'm more concerned about.  I'd really like to build muscles and strength.  This morning I'm going to try pilates; we'll see how it goes!  On one other note, I'm kind of liking the elliptical machine.  It's like jogging, but I don't feel the pound, pound, pound of my body hitting the pavement.  Way more comfortable!  So this is the positive, feeling-good part of this blog post.

Here's the negative:  weigh day.  I weighed in this morning at 209.0.  Again.  For the second week in row.  Plateau Hell indeed.  To be entirely honest, I'm starting to despair.  It's been two months pinging around in the same place.  I'm definitely hanging out in angst city here.  In fact, I felt angry this morning.  Angry at myself because I'm not going anywhere, angry at WW, just irrationally angry.  Then I felt sad and upset.  I'm putting in effort, but it's not enough.  It's not what it was in the beginning.  It's my fault I'm not losing because I'm not pushing myself as hard.  And I feel deprived (even though I'm really not).  When I'm losing weight, it feels worth it.  When I'm not losing, it just sucks.  So, anyway, I'll keep this paragraph short, but you get the general sense of where my mind is at.  I feel great about starting to work out.  I feel terrible about my weight.  The agony and the ecstasy of it all.  Please, please, let me lose in this next week.

No comments:

Post a Comment