W4, Day 1: Weigh Day

Well, obviously I've missed a couple days of blogging and during that time, I also missed three days of logging my calories.  The result?  I weighed in today at 232.2, a gain of 0.8 pounds.  Sigh.  I know that I deserve the gain because the Costco bag of dried mangoes in the cupboard has a good dent in it (dried fruit is often very sugary and high in calories) and I also had a beer and a burrito in that time.  My defensive side argues that I should be able to have a darn burrito if I want it--it didn't even have cheese, sour cream, or anything like that for goodness sake!  But the real problem here wasn't what I was eating so much as how much and that I wasn't keeping track.  Whenever I stop tracking my calories, things go downhill even though I try to convince myself that this time it will be different. It won't.  It really won't.  So why do I let myself think that it will?  I think there are a couple problems going on here that aren't resolving themselves.

1)  The calories are much more restricted than ever before, making it hard for me to misstep even a little without falling over the line for the day, even with very modest meals.

2)  My stomach is still really bothering me, which should make weight loss easier.  The problem is that I don't eat because it hurts, but then over time, I get really, really hungry, causing me to eat too much.  Also, I turn to comfort foods to try to make me feel better (that's where those dried mangoes played in this weekend).

3)  This last issue is really dumb, but when I know I'm not doing well, I get frustrated with everything and this makes it easier to eat out of annoyance or defiance.  

Okay, so those are the problems.  Now I've got to focus on the solutions.  For the first one, I know the solution is the same:  I need to exercise more so that I can eat a little more.  For the second problem, I've already scheduled another visit to the doctor's office, so hopefully that'll get resolved soon.  For the third?  Well, that's the hardest because I have to change my mindset.  I need to learn to accept I've failed in an instance or for a day and move on rather than give up.  It's hard sometimes to keep encouraging myself to stay in this marathon.  That's why I rely on this blog, so I need to keep writing when I feel this way rather than go silent.  That's hard too because I hate to report that, yup, I'm still failing.  Maybe instead of failing, I need to think of it as I'm still struggling but persevering?  So, I will endeavor to do better this week, starting with tracking everything today.  I can do better.

I've got to work on this!