W2, Day 2: Journeys

I read an interesting essay (see link below) about a woman who lost 180 pounds after having weight loss surgery.  This essay struck me for a few different reasons.  First, when she was consulting her doctor about the surgery, he made an insensitive remark about how she'd now be able to fly without people on the plane giving her that "look of horror" (his words) because they might have to sit next to her.  The author was upset because what he said not just hurt her, but affirmed all the negative things she felt about herself.  Her doctor should have known better.  Just because someone is overweight doesn't mean she or he has no feelings or deserve to be treated like a pariah.  It doesn't mean people should shudder or think that the person is less than worthy.  And that's the problem.  This woman doesn't need anyone to think these negative things about her because she does it for herself.  I do it too.  I'm sure many overweight people do, which is ridiculous because one's weight doesn't define their worth.  Now if I just say that a million times and shout it from a mountain, I may believe it in my heart instead of just my mind.

The next thing that really struck me occurred after the author lost the weight.  She had surgery and lost a lot of weight without having to change her behaviors.  She became very thin.  At last her dream of beauty and social acceptance could come true, happiness and love only belonging to the thin after all.  Was she happy?  No.  Losing the weight didn't change her lack of self love.  Further, by losing the weight without changing her behavior or her mindset, she didn't deal with the underlying issues that caused her to gain the weight to begin with.  Here's a quote from her essay:

" I lost a lot of things along with the weight. I lost my sense of self. My sense of proportion. My sense of dignity, of maturity, of control. I was skinny, but my life wasn't suddenly and magically perfect-and that completely astonished me. It sounds ridiculous, having really fallen for the fairy tale of weight loss. But I had fallen for it completely, and then was blinded by the egregious lack of a happily ever after."

I used to fantasize that if I could somehow magically just become thin, I'd be able to maintain it.  I know now that is untrue.  That's part of why I originally started this blog.  Until I address my food issues and resolve or learn to control them, I'll never truly be successful.  As much as I sometimes wonder if a weight loss surgery option wouldn't give faster results, I think this process of calorie counting, reflecting, and (hopefully) exercising is my path to living a freer, happier life.  In other words, change that comes too easy isn't real change.  I was feeling badly that I'm back to where I am with my weight and having to begin my blog from what feels like the beginning, but maybe it's all a journey.  That's in the title of this blog after all.  It's a journey, not just a destination, and if the journey takes a little longer...well, that's okay too.


http://shine.yahoo.com/healthy-living/losing-180-pounds-really-does-body-8212-160-163900419.html  "What Losing 180 Pounds Really Does to Your Body-- & Your Mind"